Naughty Or Nice?

The holidays are here all right
anxiety is running high
money through our hands flows out
trinkets, baubles make us pout

We've been bad as usual
our tempers are abominable
Santa is upset and sore
he might not come here anymore

Children gritch in Gucci beds
parents envision divorce in their heads
expectations are unreasonable
and no one feels quite seasonal

Maybe if we just get quiet
we will yet avoid the riot
light some candles, play a hymn
joy may still be found within

Keep it simple, keep it real
and maybe soon we'll feel the thrill
of snow on rooftops, fires in hearth
songs and silence, peace on earth


star st.claire, san diego, 2010

Anxiety and Depression Get Married

yikes. i go to the holistic dentist today for a second opinion. i am scared. i have recently discovered that feeling anxious about anxiety makes it worse. hmm.

i have a lifetime of dental fears and nightmares, combined with guilt that i waited so long to go, and resentment that i was too poor to go, and shame because i should have gone anyway because the truth is i bought canvases and paints and went to Santa Fe and out to the pub a few times instead of saving money for the dentist.

and i felt justified, as i had taken a vow of poverty to be an artist. i now know all of that to be bullshit. or chickenshit, as it were.

so now anxiety and depression have gotten married and set up housekeeping in my brain. how pleasant!

the brushing with soap experiment continues...i have now also tried tea tree oil soap. it hardly has a flavor, yet strangely, i prefer the olive oil. i think there may be something wrong with me...maybe the gingivitis has travelled to my brain.

Wash Out Your Mouth

so i go to the dentist because i finally have insurance, not Obama-care, but my husband started full time, and i get bad news. have to pull wisdom teeth and a baby tooth, replace a cap, and all my fillings, etc...not to mention gingivitis can send plaque to my heart and kill me instantly. Argh.

so i have this ongoing panic response that totally belies my supposedly spiritual beliefs, and plunges me into an anxiety-laced depression, for which i have to go to the chiropractor to loosen my clenched jaw and stuck neck. (i've had tooth nightmares most of my life since my little brother knocked one of my teeth out with a belt buckle...sounds like a drunken white trash family, right? but he was only playing with the cat and my mouth got in the way...)

meanwhile i search holistic solutions and tips on the internet, desperate for solutions that don't involve removing gum tissue! and i come across this chemist, a professor emeritus at some big university, who says to brush your teeth with SOAP! any soap.

To be continued...