Laughing Gas or Peyote?

The Gentle Art of Dental Arts

so i finally tried laughing gas. at the long dreaded dentist. started to time travel, like near death, and maybe hallucinate a little, so my brain just said "think of it as a peyote ceremony." huh? never had that either.

the dentist behind my head seemed anti-social. so i looked on YELP when i got home to read his reviews. one said, "this man either hates his job or all mankind." ayeee!

figures, after the months of dread i'd get "mr. charm" assigned to me by insurance. but laughing gas helps, inspite of a hangover later.

"see you in two weeks for the other side," he said and walked out.

i have two weeks to find a new dentist, or else...what? medical marijuana? peyote?

Anxiety and Depression Get Married

yikes. i go to the holistic dentist today for a second opinion. i am scared. i have recently discovered that feeling anxious about anxiety makes it worse. hmm.

i have a lifetime of dental fears and nightmares, combined with guilt that i waited so long to go, and resentment that i was too poor to go, and shame because i should have gone anyway because the truth is i bought canvases and paints and went to Santa Fe and out to the pub a few times instead of saving money for the dentist.

and i felt justified, as i had taken a vow of poverty to be an artist. i now know all of that to be bullshit. or chickenshit, as it were.

so now anxiety and depression have gotten married and set up housekeeping in my brain. how pleasant!

the brushing with soap experiment continues...i have now also tried tea tree oil soap. it hardly has a flavor, yet strangely, i prefer the olive oil. i think there may be something wrong with me...maybe the gingivitis has travelled to my brain.

Wash Out Your Mouth

so i go to the dentist because i finally have insurance, not Obama-care, but my husband started full time, and i get bad news. have to pull wisdom teeth and a baby tooth, replace a cap, and all my fillings, etc...not to mention gingivitis can send plaque to my heart and kill me instantly. Argh.

so i have this ongoing panic response that totally belies my supposedly spiritual beliefs, and plunges me into an anxiety-laced depression, for which i have to go to the chiropractor to loosen my clenched jaw and stuck neck. (i've had tooth nightmares most of my life since my little brother knocked one of my teeth out with a belt buckle...sounds like a drunken white trash family, right? but he was only playing with the cat and my mouth got in the way...)

meanwhile i search holistic solutions and tips on the internet, desperate for solutions that don't involve removing gum tissue! and i come across this chemist, a professor emeritus at some big university, who says to brush your teeth with SOAP! any soap.

To be continued...