Obsession (Recently On The News...)

what i can't get of my mind is this man had a lump, i mean a spot, of darkness in his lung, and when they went in there they found a sprouted pea.

another man had a tiny pine tree growing in his lung. somehow that is poetic, to picture it. isn't it?

(i do not know if women grow things in their lungs.)

we are still following Ray Bradbury. still mining our "loves, hates, fears and obsessions."

so if you're a writer and you wish to have an assignment (even tho the root word of assignment is ass) maybe you can write a poem, story, blurt, blog, slug, blot, wart, or worm about "the things that grow in the lung."

maybe a quirky haiku.

i can't seem to.

God Moons Moses

at church sunday pastor andre said God never hides himself from us. hmm.

what about when moses asked to see God
and God said he would pass by and show himself,
but only his backside...

it wasn't the first incident of mooning,
but it was the most spectacular.

Barbra Streisand Synchronicity

while my husband got a haircut i wandered down to a thriftstore. four cassettes for a dollar. i vacillated between bette midler and barbra striesand, but i already have bette. so i got my first barbra. "memory".

(wanted to see if the cassette player in our new used '92 jetta works. it does not.)


got home and put the cassette next to my old (from high school) Sylvania record player with radio and double cassette feature. very cool. but didn't listen.


next day walked by the community garden. man gardening says to me, "has anyone ever told you that you look like barbra streisand?" (yes, but not since i was eleven, which is over twenty years ago.)


a week later i'm again walking and a street person on trash day getting cans to recycle says, "you're a pretty lady." i keep walking. "come back," he shouts, "you look like barbra streisand!" what are the odds?


so i go home, listen to "memory" about ten times, develop an overwhelming desire to see CATS, and begin to suspect there is a gay man trapped inside my body yearning to get free.


what does this all mean? what should i do next? obviously the universe is giving me a message, but what?

Soap Synchronicity

last night we went out to Cafe Luna for my college friend's birthday, and her wonderfully enlightened son, who has been travelling the world - Mexico, New York, France, and India - where he spent time at a ashram - told us a certain yogi does not advocate the use of soap.

(i know this young man does not read my blog so there is no way he knows my guilty secret. so it is either a true synchronicity or an antisynchronicity!)


then his sister, the lovely young girl whose recent birthday party theme was "I don't wanna grow up," added that the body is supposedly a self-cleaning mechanism. i said if you've ever gotten a whiff of someone who believes that, you might wish their self-cleaning mechanism worked better.


This same yogi also advocates swallowing a towel, swirling it around to clean the stomach, then pulling it back out. maybe if we swallow soap instead...?

The Dead Poet

so i had this dream last night. there is a dead poet up a tree. a man hits the poet out of the tree with a large stick. a bystander says, 'well, if he wasn't dead already..."

according to one theory of dream analysis (by the way, note that the root word of analysis is anal) every aspect of a dream is the dreamer. so i am the dead poet, the man with a stick, the bystander, even the tree. cool!

when i walked out this morning a light mist enveloped the city. the air smelled of fresh bread, a warm, summery, yeasty scent, like cotton sheets hung on a line. i went to see the two baby bunnies in the park. i would love to pet one, but even if i could, i might get fleas. that is the problem with us humans. we have an unnatural fear of nature. but we ARE nature. therefore we have an unnatural fear of ourselves.

and that is why we have to knock the dead poet out of the tree.

A Little Bit

i put a link to my 2nd novel at the top of this page.

it is not a sausage link, nor a lincoln log, or a link in a chain.

it is a link to words and a heart.

or should i start a whole new blog and put my novel in it chapter by chapter?
is that too revealing?

for some reason i keep thinking about the wiener dog at the full moon circle in the very first post.
oh! because of sausage links! some people call wiener dogs sausage dogs!
alexander macall smith does. i checked out three of his books yesterday. he is the best!

Do You Hear Voices?

when i wake up there are voices in my head. the bad angel. the good angel. Pretty much every day. the bad angel saying "you're fat, get a job, you're old, you probably have dementia, you're fat..."

The good angel is still asleep because she knows there is nothing to worry about. so it's just the fat angel, i mean bad angel, and me. and my various ailments.

recently i hurt my thumb. it became urgent so i went to Urgent Care. the generic prescription was 90 bucks. welcome to America. and i don't even know how i hurt it! maybe i do have dementia.

at urgent care they weighed me. how rude. i thought they are supposed to make you feel better, not worse. i have inexplicably gained forty pounds since i got married fifteen years ago.

when i got married i thought, with relief, "i don't have to be skinny anymore - i got my man." we could eat, drink, and be merry. and we did, do, and are.

(my brother suggested that maybe my husband rolled over onto my thumb in the night and squished it with his belly. or an even bigger part, like his manhood. i did not tell the doctor that. doctors are not known for their senses of humor.)

Transcendence? Really?

of course not. but the holistic dentist chair looks out on a koi pond and a turtle whom is hungry. who is hungry, i mean. this will be expensive. i was too chicken to tell him about the soap. i don't want a total stranger to think i'm strange. or anything.

some of you read my other blog. i have two or more sides. the humorous/irreverent one. the one looking for transcendence. of what? dental problems, and other evils.

some say i am wise. but not to my silly self. to her i am just silly. what a relief. most people i know are artists, writers, singers, players of music. and all are on spiritual paths. and tend to take life too soberly.

i figured out why we don't really want to transcend. we are afraid we won't be needed here anymore. we will be no earthly good. or we will be crucified. or the soap has gone to my brain.

Anxiety and Depression Get Married

yikes. i go to the holistic dentist today for a second opinion. i am scared. i have recently discovered that feeling anxious about anxiety makes it worse. hmm.

i have a lifetime of dental fears and nightmares, combined with guilt that i waited so long to go, and resentment that i was too poor to go, and shame because i should have gone anyway because the truth is i bought canvases and paints and went to Santa Fe and out to the pub a few times instead of saving money for the dentist.

and i felt justified, as i had taken a vow of poverty to be an artist. i now know all of that to be bullshit. or chickenshit, as it were.

so now anxiety and depression have gotten married and set up housekeeping in my brain. how pleasant!

the brushing with soap experiment continues...i have now also tried tea tree oil soap. it hardly has a flavor, yet strangely, i prefer the olive oil. i think there may be something wrong with me...maybe the gingivitis has travelled to my brain.

Soap Poisoning

the scene in the movie "a Christmas story" where Ralphie has to bite the lifebuoy soap because he said the word f-u-d-g-e...except he didn't say fudge.

as kids who cussed (even darnit and fart were forbidden) we got a choice between Tabasco and soap. i chose the hot sauce, because the soap (Ivory) would make me gag. so now here's this chemist (as detailed in previous post) saying to brush our teeth with ordinary soap! that it is THE way to gum health!!! yuck...

but i am game for old fashioned/cheap cures. i am also curios by nature...and i had this new soap - olive oil - hand milled - lightly scented of pale flowers. very rich soap i would not have had except it showed up at Ross-dress-for-less deeply discounted and i put it out for guests.

so yes, i tried it. and it wasn't bad. and my mouth felt cleaner than clean. and now, i'm ashamed to say, i kind of like it and am even getting hooked on it. does that make me bad? or just fresh?